Lol. I hate this.
"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life."
Elizabeth Gilbert
Sara: Maybe.. Its just like you said. We should just go our seperate ways and we’d be just fine.
Alex: What if i dont want fine.
What if i want extraordinary?
Sara: no such thing.
everything. everything has been making me overly dramatically made lately. the weather, i’m mad. these people, i’m mad. these “swaggerastic, here i have it.” players, i’m mad. these missing assignments, i’m mad. the people on facebook, as a whole. i’m mad. i’m mad. about so many things, and i have no possible root to explain my sudden spazment of loose cannon insanity. and this goes above and beyond the call of duty of these leeching people trying to suck all the fun out of you. it’s gotten well past that shit. so many comments of people telling me that my creativity is such a sin. that i don’t know how to control it. i didn’t know the virtue of talent was made to be withheld from the rest of the world. whatever happened to making your own shit happening, being your own person? everyones become such a society drone, the norm is my bubble.. and the world is a raging sugar induced children on the verge of mass destruction. or maybe its because, for the first time in my life. i need closure. for myself? what? so many feelings have been kept from me, so many insecurities to build up on something so miniscule, so many puppets.. of my life. to result in a downfall of emotional upset so i stand here before all of you in a firey pit. .. and i’m very. very. pissed off about it.
can’t really be too distraught in playing the weakly girl card. “ohmahgahd. oh mahgahd. i didn’t see any of it coming. oh no. oh no.” .. help. help. stfu. all credit is passed up to my girlish intuition and my lack of creativity to replace with a logic geniuity. all of these lovely things.. and many more have gotten me to where i was now. i threw so much hope into believing in third chances, resurrections, and the beauty that comes with redemptions and 360s. all it took me was a whisper in the back of mind, that i like to label now, as a voice of reason. my steady composure of what the past has told me, and what the present may hold for me. i knew it could happen. i knew it could. you might give up, yet again. but a even bigger part of me really thought.. that you wouldn’t let that happen. through all perspectives of logic, you could probably say that i overestimated your potential. i apparently saw, so much for you.. that was nowhere near your own levels. i overshot, because i had the nerve to come back here and let you in. one last, and final time, before this curtain closed for good, and i burned this stage eternally. i could’ve ashed it. i could’ve ashed it.. and let it blow away.. where ever the wind would carry it. but i took you in, i let you have my heart hospitality.. one more time. stepped into that car one more time, and accepted that boys head in my laps.. grieving of all his grievances. how much he wanted to change. how much he has. i let you in, and you fucking destroyed me. and after that, you told me, to run away. fight. retreat. run away. fight. retreat. run away. i told you i hated cycles. i told you, you didn’t listen. and all you told me, was that i was bad for you.
if i recited this chapter of my life to anyone else.. they would say i’m fucking battle tested. stubborn. gullible. a steady example of failure and childish make believe.. at its finest. though, i would have to say.. i was something else.
..something that i’d dare not speak.. because it’d be dangerous enough to tear me down one more time. something that i shall never speak of again. see i’m trying to find my place, but it might not be here where i feel safe. because we all learn to make mistakes. and run from them, from them, with no direction. we’ll run from them, from them. with no conviction.
.. So the final round folds. Your pokerface has been compromised.
"What would you know about sacrifice? I’ve seen you fighting out there. You only fight for yourself."
d-i-s-t-r-e-s-s—a-n-d—c-o-m-a:
Escape the Fate - Harder Than You Know
I just love this song. It makes me want to cry T~T
“But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life.”
these swings hold more stories than you could ever begin to fathom.
a true representation of how we’d like to see life.. through the eyes of the brave and bold. stories of hottest beginnings, to the coldest ends. seats that hold betrayal, dream creators.. and instances of sunsets with its creases. some things that were just meant to be.. but never for sure, understood.
this is where i found myself, a couple of years later. struggling to push and pump into motion my 6 year old playground heart. with every motion, the only thing i could begin to recall was every memory… one seeming farther away then the next. i slowed my chained imagination to a stop as i sat there discontently at all the things that i had left behind since that time. the people that have left me behind. the people that should’ve stayed behind, as well as their intentions. all those summers didnt know something these years know now. because this is where they lay.. buried deep with the old mulch of all those hot days.
We held up our cups somewhere off not too far, to cheers to a life of growth. to second chances, friendships, and the bold concept of forever. We were all growing up in this life as we knew it. But embraced this storm ahead with a great calm of grace, within a solid belief of our ship mates by our side. It was here that an inception seed thrived.. to encase our heads with feelings of dropping our dramas and a rather forgetful reminder of who caved to who. It was all of us. Nine times out of eleven, these times got tough. But we were all here. We were all here. Of course, nine times out of eleven the simple cases of wanting maul each others throats seemed very appealing, we managed to maul about together bonding over a day to remember, chinese food, slurpies and smiles. These swings swung to the rhythm of our voices, our questionable choices, and swift start to a dangerous love royale.
There was a crossroads though. You can look at these swings and tell me they don’t hold anything at all.. but a quirky engineer design of slapping together some plastic and chain.. in order to make every child’s first flying experience. Taking a step in my sixes you’d see.. every memory fly through… as a simple reminder of how all this felt, once upon a time. All these times we were blind to the pain and distant possibility of what life could do. Where all our ships remained innocent and calm for the seven seas. Our friendships and relationships ready and willing to fire at anything held up for priority threats. .. and all the times we found we just weren’t built up enough. where the beginnings turned into ends. and our sails turned into shreds.
We rest in peace here, the rest in pieces.. shambles.. and a flag into a memory of things that once were. Smiles we once needed. Risks we should’ve taken. Prides we should’ve swallowed. Memories we shouldn’t live in..And as the end goes, and so it shall remain, the pages will blank out. We’ll start our stories with seperate pages and voices.
And scary as it may seem.. We’ll all be just fine.
(Source: domiiniicaniitah-freshh)
